Turning 29 During a Lockdown

Come back! There goes a part of my youth.

What is going on? How did this happen? When did I go from a young ‘un in college to standing at the edge of becoming thirty?

Shirt – HERE&NOW
Jewellery – Old
Bag – A gift
Shoes – Old

Okay, first of all: I posted a video on my YouTube channel of how I styled this lilac shirt with three different colour-ways so that’s where these looks came from. I can’t go out but I can still pretend, no?

Second of all: I know I don’t look my age. I never have. I still had a sweet lady ask me which class I was in a few weeks ago and all my weary ass could say was, “I already have two Masters degrees, Aunty.” So, yeah. I got my mom’s good genes on this one, I guess.

Shirt – HERE&NOW
Necklace – Forever New
Trousers – NEXT
Shoes – Old

With everything that’s going on, I’ve been really stressed out – as I’m sure so many of us are. In the beginning, with people expressing dread at having to be isolated and forced to face their inner demons, I was like, “PFFT…I have to face mine every day so this won’t be anything new.” Boy, was I dead wrong.

Shirt – HERE&NOW
Earrings – SHEIN
Skirt – KOOVS
Shoes – Old

I think that other people with an anxiety or a panic disorder will agree that, sometimes – okay, most times, you can’t even explain what’s causing it at all. You just get this feeling that there’s something wrong and that you have to be on alert without being able to say exactly why. Over the past few weeks, I feel like all my mental health progress has regressed and it sucks ass.

I consider this moment my pre-birthday gift. Muffin is so cute.
Shirt – HERE&NOW
Necklace – Claire’s
Trousers – Dorothy Perkins
Shoes – Old

Coupled with other stuff that’s happening, all I can say is that I actually look forward to having a quiet birthday at home with my siblings. We all miss our friends, partners and loved ones – I know I do. My mom is away on duty throughout this whole time and I miss her the most. She’s being strong so I’m trying to be, too.

Shirt – HERE&NOW
Earrings – SHEIN
Skirt – Forever 21
Shoes – Truffle Collection

I’m getting to that point in my life where I forget how old I actually am sometimes and so birthdays aren’t a huge deal for me. So this time around, while we’re stuck in a lockdown (that rhymed), some quality family time, good food and a movie and I’m all set for another year.

Shirt – HERE&NOW
Necklace – Old
Skirt – Forever 21
Shoes – Truffle Collection

“You Should Smile More.”

As someone who has, what pop culture has diagnosed as, a ‘Resting Bitch Face’, or RBF, nothing irks me more than when someone comes up to me and tells me that I should smile more. Go ahead, say or just look at the world “smile” long enough and it stops making sense – just like when you begin to realize how ridiculous it is when one human asks another to forcefully put on a facial expression because, apparently, they can’t stand how you outwardly look right then. It’s selfish and completely ridiculous and I’ll never be able to wrap my head around it.

Me on the outside.
Me on the inside, remembering a meme I came across that morning.

More importantly, you never know what someone is going through. We all go through rough times at different points in our lives, and sometimes, those rough patches stretch out for longer than we’d like. We’re trying to figure things out, picking ourselves up, going about our day-to-day lives and then some nimrod comes up to us and says, “Hey, come on! SMiiiiLLlle!!!” For heaven’s sake, do they want a second coming of the Joker?

Other times, when I look like I’m down… THAT’S JUST MY FREAKIN’ FACE, what can I say? Except, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Stanley from ‘The Office’ is my forever mood. We’re easily annoyed, not amused and we like our privacy but we’re happy in our own bubble. So, the next time someone comes up to me and goes, “AIME! CoMe OnnNN….SMMiIiiiiLlLLe!!!” and I say ‘no’ and they still insist, I’m just going to have to fly off the handle and say:

Either this…
…or this.

Or, you know, quote Rene Paulson, who wrote about RBF, and say, “…obviously, women (and men for that matter) shouldn’t have to smile for the benefit of others.” Yeah, that’s probably the more mature thing to do.