There’s been a few rounds of relationship talk with some of my friends lately and one of the things we talked about was break-ups. Now, I’m doing alright in my own relationship, but, I thought if there was anyone out there who needed some advice, then maybe I could help.
When you’re dating and you meet someone you actually really like, breaking up with them will usually be the last thing you think about. But then you get to know more about each other and realize that, hey, maybe the two of you being together just doesn’t feel right anymore and you break up. It happens sometimes and it doesn’t always have to be a bad thing necessarily.
What I believe is that things happen for a reason – or even more than just one. If you were the one who did the dumping then you have these reasons listed out in your head before the breaking up actually happened. Writing them down is actually a good idea because after the break-up, you will have bouts of insecurity about having ended the relationship. Looking at your reasons for breaking up with your partner in writing will help you deal with those insecurities.
On the other hand, if you were the one having been dumped, there’s nothing more you can do than take the time to totally focus only on yourself. Cut off all contact with the one who dumped you. This is the hardest part but believe me, it will help you so much in the healing process. You will look back at this time and you’ll be grateful for cutting off contact completely with the person who decided that they couldn’t love you anymore romantically. Sure, you can stay friends but – and this is important – only after a few months because you need time to heal and gather yourself. (Who knows, you might later on decide that being friends is actually something you don’t want.)
So go ahead, this period is the time where you can cry your heart out, listen to all those sad breakup songs or even the mushy ones, get your hair done; whatever you want to do that will get the desperation out of your system so that you can move on to the next thing: getting super pissed at the whole situation. Go ahead. Get angry. Write down every single thing that you wish you could tell your ex-lover in a letter. Be honest; curse your guts out, anything as long as you get it all off your chest. Then burn the letter. You’ll feel so much better.
The only thing can truly heal a broken heart though is time. If you don’t give yourself time to heal after a break-up, you’ll never be able to move on. And here’s why I say that break-ups don’t always have to be a bad thing: sure, they might break you, but then they can also help you grow as a person. My mother always told me, “If this didn’t happen, then you’d never have known.” What she meant was that you never know just how strong you can be until you’re pushed into being so. You can learn a lot about yourself from the way you handle a difficult situation and break-ups are no different.
All hardships are lessons. As long as you look back at that relationship that didn’t work out and you are able to learn from it, then you’re the winner here. You’ll also figure out exactly what you’re looking for in a relationship and this will help you in fine-tuning your ability at being able to figure out if the next person you meet, that you feel sparks with, is a keeper or not. So, don’t fret, dear one. Remember that unless you’re super lucky, you might be kissing a few toads before you meet your Prince Charming. That’s just the way it is when it comes to finding the one you’re meant to be with.